I am my own unique self – special, creative and wonderful

Greetings and welcome to the new Rewriting the Script Blog.  These days, I’ve become more excited and optimistic about life.  This is the season for real change.  Sure, I have accomplished some great things in my life, but the more I do, the more I realize each step leads to something bigger….greater.  With that being said, I have decided to move beyond my comfort zone and truly live my purpose.  Therefore, you can expect more exciting things from me in the future.

Thank you all for being so great and supportive of my endeavors.  I am truly appreciative, and I would love for us to continue this journey of living life with purpose together.  Discovering your purpose is about finding what you love to do most.  It’s about stepping out on faith and truly moving beyond those barriers.  Those things that you are passionate about.

Yes, everyone was born with a specific Life Script( background or environment) but we can revise that script,  if necessary.  This blog was designed to bring people together who are searching for direction, purpose and meaning in life.  And for those who just want to share their experiences or be a blessing to others.  I also created a monthly newsletter full of helpful topics, articles and useful information to assist you during your journey.  Please visit my Ning  when you have a moment.  

Let’s make this a great year and thank you for being a part of the Rewriting the Script Community.   

Wishing You Peace & Prosperity,

Arlether Wilson, M.A.

www.arletherwilson.com

arlether@rewritethescript.com

Over the past two years, I have read several blogs about Living the American Dream, Lincoln’s Dream Fulfilled and lots of other universal mumbo jumbo.  Okay, I’m sure those dreams hold a lot of value and validity for the individual(s).  Trust me there is nothing wrong with having a dream.  However, I don’t know about you all, but I don’t think we were talking about the same American Dream. 

Let’s see….like many of my brothers and sisters, I grew up poor but appreciative of what it means to be Black in America.  What it means to persevere and embrace the Dream of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  Therefore, I’m not sure if I could ever relate to the definition of any other American Dream.  Okay I Digress…..

Now let’s get down to what really matters.  Just in case you missed all of the emails, blogs and other media, let me inform you….Honey, we have a new President…an African American or Black President…..Whatever floats your boat because I am not good with technicalities.  Anyway, as I was saying, Barack Obama will be etched into history as the 44^th president of the United States.  Wow!  He did that. 

I am always telling people about how I Rewrote the Script and created a new life for myself.  But our new President has raised the bar for all Americans, especially politicians.  This magnificent man has redefined and reshaped the political process.  Sorry but they never saw him coming.  So, now I have to ask….what’s your excuse for not getting up off your butt and fulfilling your dreams? 

I must say, being the very outgoing and optimistic person that I am, I never doubted the possibility.  Yet, I am still in awe.  I woke up this morning and our new President was one of the first people on my mind.  First I thanked God for his blessings. Then I watched the news, once again (just for confirmation). After that I began calling my friends.  I couldn’t help it.  I needed to someone to celebrate with. 

There’s one thing that I know for sure.  From this day forward, no one should Ever live down to anyone’s expectations.  Like it or not, some of us have done this for years.  We have and have always had the ability to do something Remarkable.

It has been more than forty-five years since Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., delivered his I Have a Dream speech.  Like many of you, I was just a twinkle in my mother’s eye. I am not sure how that speech affected her or any of my family members.  But when I was old enough to comprehend the true meaning, I marveled at Dr. King’s eloquent words of hope and prosperity.  From the moment his words entered my ears, I knew a new revolution had begun…and I wanted to be a part of it.  Like Dr. King, there were a lot of obstacles thrown in my path but I never gave up hope.  When I think about it….I am still not sure if Dr. King thought Change would happen so soon.

Understand this people…. this is not the time to focus on the many trials and tribulations that we went through to get here.  Just understand that we have finally arrived and we have work to do.  Now, I am not naïve.  I am aware that there will be many naysayers, non-supporters and other media entities seeking to down play this momentous event.  Nevertheless, this is a time for celebration.   We live in American, so we understand that this journey will not easy, for any of us.  But we can do this. 

For those of you who didn’t think Barack Obama would be elected because of the color of his skin, I have news for you.  The world is so elated that we can only marvel at the fact that he was elected in spite of the color of his skin.  Therefore, we must remain positive.

Do you all realize the universal significance of this event?  Think about all of the little boys and little girls who now realize that Dreams really do come true.  They too, can be the next president of the United States.  They can be leaders of substance, integrity and character.  And for those of you who don’t value education…..after last night, I hope you never under estimate the power of education and determination. 

No longer will our children be forced to equate success with just entertainers and athletes.  Like it or not, education is the key that will open the door to many possibilities.  Furthermore, don’t let our children forget the words of Dr. King, “I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”  I think most people understand that everyone….new generations and old were included in his Vision.   On November 4, 2008 that Dream became a reality. 

Throught his campaign, Barack Obama often spoke of Hope and Change.  He sealed his campaign, when he coined the phrase, “Yes We Can.”  The young but capable Senator from Illinois had the world shouting in unison, “Yes We Can….Si Se Puede“….and We Did.  You Go Boy!  America, please join me in welcoming the new First Family.

Written By: Arlether Wilson

Author of “Rewriting the Script”

www.arletherwilson.com

I know that I haven’t posted any articles for a while but I have been rather busy. Last night I began thinking about the teen self-esteem workshop that I will be hosting in a few weeks. After thinking things through, I realized that there’s much to be covered. As a parent, I have learned that sometimes our children are forced to make some adult decisions but most of them are not prepared to live with their choices. The consequences can shape their entire life.

With that in mind, we must remember that the early years are crucial to a child’s emotional and social development. It’s bad enough, that children are bombarded with so many conflicting messages from the media, which is another reason why proper parent/child communication is important.

A healthy self-image, self-esteem and self confidence go hand in hand. A problem with one can effect the overall development of the others. It could mean the difference between a child appropriately or inappropriately dealing with his/her problems.

Coincidently, the three terms are sometimes used interchangeably, but many people do not understand what self-esteem really means. Here’s my opinion…..Self-esteem is developed early in life and it continues to change based on life experiences. Simply put it is a collection of perceptions and beliefs that we have about our self. That includes the good and bad, which is why it varies. It can also be shaped by relationships with others and our environment.

According to the National Association for Self Esteem, a younger child’s self-esteem is shaped by how the parent reacts to him/her. As the child ages, perceptions shift. Then peers and the world become a bigger influence. This is another reason why early intervention is vital.

As parents, we are equipped with the necessary tools to help our children build a healthy self-esteem. However, this will require parents to be more aware of the messages they send their children. Like it or not, some children mirror the parent’s negative behavior too. That’s why it is important for parents to assess their parenting style, be better listeners, be non-judgmental and build a trusting relationship.

Some children have difficulty receiving criticism, so be mindful when discussing sensitive issues with your teen. Constantly expressing disapproval can cause him/her to be overly critical of themselves which could lead to more problems. Basis necessities like, praise and affection can boost self-esteem and increase a teen’s capacity to deal with life.

For example, teens with healthy self-esteem will:

Think positive thoughts about themselves
Forgive themselves if they make mistakes
Not be afraid to try new things
Are not perfectionist
Will set meaningful goals & follow through
Don’t feel the need to criticize others
Enjoy helping others

On the other hand, teens with low self-esteem will:

Try to live up to the expectations of others
May use drugs and/or drink alcohol
Engage in a lot of negative self-talk
Often compares themselves to others
Easily frustrated or loses temper
Afraid to try new things
Refuse to take responsibility for his/her actions

Everyone wants to feel loved, accepted and good about themselves, even if they never admit it. As parents, it is our responsibility to take the first step. Help your teen develop a healthy self-image. If necessary seek professional help. Believe me it is a worthwhile investment. Visit the National Association for Self-Esteem (NASE) website for more resources. You may also want to visit the Respect RX website.

Arlether Wilson is the author of the award winning memoir, “Rewriting the Script.” She is also a veteran police officer, mentor and advocate for women and teens. Learn more about her work at www.arletherwilson.com.

© July, 2008

Introduction

Our children are crying out for help.  You can look on any teen pregnancy website and they highlight the decline in teen pregnancies.  Still more teens get pregnant every year America than in any other developed country.  Most parents don’t want to admit that their child is sexually active.  Therefore, many find themselves dealing with the repercussions of their child’s decision.  The decision that the child is not experienced enough to make.

Over the past few months we have heard several cases about young mothers giving birth and trying to dispose of the fetus or child.  Just this week we heard about a fourteen year old disposing of a fetus while on an airplane.  Another teen had her baby in a bathroom stall at school.  With all of the uproar in the media, one would think there would be more research, awareness and solutions offered.  Yet, all I hear is how awful it is.

People like it or not, we have a problem.  These teens may be facing criminal charges, because of their poor choices.  Unfortunately, hiding teen pregnancies are nothing new.  Women have been concealing pregnancies for years.  That includes those that get shipped away until they give birth.  It just seems to be appearing in the media more often.

But there’s more……When a teen mother conceals her pregnancy, she unknowingly places herself and her unborn baby at risk for health issues and even death.  Parents, educators, communities….it is important that teens understand how unhealthy and risky it is to conceal a pregnancy.  If a teen mother is hiding her pregnancy, she may not feel obligated to adjust her life styles by eating healthy meals, making doctor visits or taking prenatal vitamins, which could lead to more problems in the future.

Personal Story

I was pregnant at the age of seventeen years old and I didn’t know that I was pregnant until I was at the end of my first trimester.  Being a high school senior at the time, I can tell you that hearing the news “you’re pregnant” was the most devastating and life changing moment of my life.  At that time, I was a majorette, drill team and preparing to run for school queen.  In a matter of seconds, I felt like my life was over.  I was overwhelmed by unexplainable emotions. 

Plus I was already having problems at home, so I was afraid to tell my mother or other family members about the baby.  To make matters worst, the doctor warned me that I had a limited amount of time to make a decision about whether I was going to keep my baby. 

Well, I decided to keep my son but my mother did not learn that I was pregnant until a week and a half before I gave birth.  Of course she was devastated when my water broke, because she thought I was having a miscarriage.  For a moment, I thought I was too.  She and the whole community were shocked to learn that I had carried my son nearly nine months and no one was the wiser.

That was in 1985, and teens hiding pregnancies is even more common today.  I shared that information, because I understand how difficult it may be for some teens to deal with adult decisions.  No, I don’t recommend that anyone deal with their pregnancy in that way.  It is a very dangerous and lonesome world.  Honestly, I don’t know what I would have done had I been in that situation at the time, especially since no one knew about my pregnancy.  I was just sitting back thinking about the issue and realized that it could have been me. 

With that being said, I have to speak up.  I am merely highlighting the truth – some parents do not communicate or pay enough attention to their children.  Okay, I am not forgetting about other issues that influence this type of outcome such as child abuse, sexual assaults and the other horrendous crimes that plague our children.  I’m trying to emphasize those things that we can prevent or have some control over.

Our children have to understand that we love them unconditionally and that they can talk to us about anything.  We also have to talk to our children about sex and the repercussions that go along with making decisions to engage in sex.  Otherwise, they may end up suffering dire consequences. 

Sure, I took a sex education class in high school but I didn’t have enough knowledge to realize that I was pregnant and putting my son’s life in danger.  High schools must take a more proactive approach to dealing with teen sex.  Educating our children about sex does not mean we condone it.  What we are doing is equipping them with the tools and information necessary to make rational decisions.  The two young mothers in the news may have made better choices had they felt comfortable talking to their parents and been better educated about sexual reproduction. 

If you are a pregnant teen

Don’t try to handle this alone.  If you are trying to conceal your pregnancy, you may be placing yourself and your baby in danger.  Talk to your parents or a trusted adult.  Seek medical assistance immediately.  There are numerous social service agencies and clinics in your area to assist you if need be.  Plan to visit your doctor’s office at least once a month in the beginning.  Your physician will talk to you about any physical and emotional changes that may occur.  He/she will also determine how often your visits will occur.  Be honest with your doctor and inform him/her of any medical issues or concerns.  Get plenty of rest, eat right, exercise and please do not smoke, take drugs or drink alcohol. 

Conclusion

This is a social issue and it affects everyone.  This is not something that we can just sweep under the rug or pass judgment about.  Our government, social service agencies and schools need to incorporate ways to help teen mothers so they don’t find themselves facing criminal charges.  I am an advocate for teen pregnancy awareness campaigns but they need to be more comprehensive. 

Resources on the Web

http://www.teenpregnancy.org/

http://www.healthyteennetwork.org/

http://www.teenbreaks.com/pregnancy/pregnancyhome.cfm

Written By:  Arlether Wilson, Author of “Rewriting the Script”

www.rewritethescript.com

arlether@rewritethescript.com

www.myspace.com/arlether

Introduction

Although the media sends mixed messages about law enforcement officers, it is still considered a challenging and respectable profession.  Reports of crooked cops and acts of police brutality like the beating of Rodney King caused people to question the integrity of the profession.  Consequently, legislators have restructured law enforcement agencies Use of Force policies and created new standards of professionalism.  While incidents of brutality and corruption continue to surface in the media, the majority of police officers maintain high moral standards.  Nevertheless, we are still faced with an even greater injustice, the limited representation of women and Black men on our forces.  Of course, there have been some improvements, but these groups remain in the lowest echelon of most police departments. 

Surprisingly, before the 1970’s women were only allowed to take on a social worker or clerical role in law enforcement.  Street work was considered too dangerous and strenuous.  Even then, women made up only two percent of police forces nationwide and were forced to meet higher standards than their male counterparts.  Fortunately, after much debate the amendment to the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was passed, which prohibited employers from job discrimination regardless of race or gender.  Women were finally permitted to do the same police work as their male co-workers. 

These days, women make up at least 30 percent of police forces nationwide while Black men make up less than sixteen percent.  Some feminist groups and police associations claim the low numbers are clearly a result of gender and race discrimination.  This issue is especially evident when looking at the number of Black female officers.  When looking at the numbers overall there is a clear disproportion of black female officers and supervisors when compared to white females.  Research indicates being a Black female places her at an even greater disadvantage.  These officers are rarely hired or promoted.  Some blame the poor numbers on the lack of Black female applicants.  Even though, this tends to be the norm when looking at minority officers as a whole. 

Another issue that no one likes to talk about is sexual harassment.  Being in a predominantly male dominated profession can be challenging for some women.  It is not uncommon for women to complain about being subjected to inappropriate behavior by male officers.  Of course there are some female violators but it is not very common.  I’m not sure if this type of behavior is used as an act of intimidation or because the harasser lacks respect for women.  Either way, it occurs more often than the public is aware of or wants to admit.  Many instances are never reported.  

My Story

As a Black female law enforcement officer, I’ve had a fulfilling career though I’ve conquered many barriers.  In the beginning, I had to work twice as hard as male officers to advance my career.   Today I’ve been a police officer for almost fifteen years and I’ve seen my profession slowly evolve in a positive way.  When I began my career I worked for a predominantly Black law enforcement agency.  Yet, I was surprised to learn that there were less than ten female officers and they’d never promoted one.  Like any ambitious being, I set out to change the attitude of my co-workers.  Little did I know the task would prove to be more difficult than I expected.  Unlike my male colleagues, I had to work harder and attain more education to be taken seriously.  I grew tired of comments like “What’s a pretty lady like you doing in a uniform.  Or you’re too cute to be on the streets alone.”   It was discourteous and disrespectful.  Still, being an officer has been a rewarding and positive learning experience for me.  I had to learn to channel my frustration in a productive way.  For instance, I didn’t understand why I had to wear a male uniform but I wasn’t given the opportunity to do the same job.  That may seem petty to some, but being tall, slender and small busted it was difficult to find a uniform that fit.  I learned to improvise. 

Then there was the issue of not being allowed to work alone, but male officers could.  I had gone through all of the necessary training and passed my exams but I was expected to accept status quo.  After a while I realized that my supervisors didn’t want change.  It didn’t matter that I graduated number one in my academy, beating out all of the male cadets.  I was still seen as dispensable and fragile because of my gender.   However, I wasn’t going to allow someone to take away an opportunity that I’d worked so hard for.  I remained optimistic.

During that time I was a single mother, but my supervisors didn’t seem to care.  I had to work long hours, file my charges and complete my reports at the end of my shift just like everyone else.  I didn’t expect preferential treatment either.  I got into fights, chases and had guns pulled on me and worked a lot of overtime.  I didn’t have a problem fighting my battles.  I only had a problem with the double standards.  It didn’t matter that I was a single mother when I had to do my assigned task.  It was only a problem when I needed to be off to take one of my children to the doctor or visit their school.Furthermore, my gender seemed to only be a concern when I challenged their antiquated polices and procedures. 

For instance, When ever I’d ask about promotions or working in a division that was considered more dangerous, I was told that women couldn’t do it, a woman had never worked in that division or the work was too dangerous.  Well, I wasn’t going to stand for that too long, so I did what I do best:  I challenged the system and found a way in.  It took a little while but I helped to restructure our policies and got in.  Once I was in the traffic division I received my most rewarding training.  I enjoyed my work.  I became a certified Child Abuse and Family Violence Investigator, Life Flight certified, Hazmat, DWI and Field Sobriety practitioner, Drug Recognition Expert (DRE) training and a plethora of other required training.After a few years and lots of hard work, I was promoted to Administrative Sergeant. 

Although they didn’t have much of a choice, especially since no one else was qualified to do the job.  The position required me to supervise all of the other sergeants and I was part of the department’s administrative team.  In addition to, being the training coordinator and warrant division supervisor.  I was promoted but I had more responsibility than my male counterparts.  After a few more years I was promoted to Administrative Captain.  Before being promoted I earned my bachelor’s degree and by then had more training than anyone in the department.  As a result I was third in command at the department.  Once I achieved my goals I was determined to change the face of law enforcement.  I wanted to open the door for other women to be promoted in the department and I did.  I’m no longer at that department. 

Today I hold a masters degree, I’m working on my doctorate and I work for a different department.  I also earned my master peace officer certification which is the highest certification given in the state of Texas.  Nevertheless, I’m still discontented at the state of my profession, which is one of the reasons I’m writing this article.  Although I achieved my goals, I cannot accept the fact that Black women are still underrepresented in my department and nationwide.  I’m looking for ways to motivate Black women to at least consider going into the profession.  Plus, I’m glad to see that some agencies are taking these issues seriously. 

Some departments have designed hiring campaigns to encourage women to apply.Unfortunately, many departments are still working with the regulations they developed when their agency was established.  Police administrators should realize that times have changed so our law enforcement agencies should too.  We are not just arresting men.  Therefore, attitudinal changes will have to occur to bring about social change.  Police agencies will only benefit when their officers reflect the communities they serve. 

Somehow we must change the public’s perception of police officers and find ways to work together.I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that although the numbers are low, women have made tremendous strides in the law enforcement profession.  Some of us are chiefs and Constables in our departments.  But why do we have to make a big deal when a woman is promoted to a high rank?   Is it that shocking?  Or is it just that ridiculous?  Maybe if it occurred more often the shock factor would be eliminated.  Women should be rewarded based on their own merit and not simply to fulfill statistical requirement.  I’m not saying this is the norm in all agencies but it is definitely evident. Believe it or not, the subject of racial and gender discrimination are hush, hush among officers. 

No one wants to talk about the two openly, so how can we expect to change anything?  Some of my friends have told me about instances when they were called the “N” word, boy or gal.  Surprisingly, many of them refused to file a complaint or speak up for fear of retaliation.  They just get angry and complain about it.  And why is it that every time these topics surface in the media people seem stunned?   Everyone knows this occurs on a regular basis and little is being done to alleviate this issue.  Sure, there is cultural sensitivity training, which we are all required to attend.   But are we getting the message?Sometimes I’m amazed at how divided we are as law enforcement officers. 

Yes, in the end we all have a common goal:  that is to uphold the laws and protect citizens.  Yet, we tend to flock to our own race.  What I’m saying is from my experience, White officers congregate with White officers, Black officers congregate with other Blacks officers and so forth.  In my opinion, there is a lack of brotherly and sisterly cohesiveness within our profession.  Again, this may not be the practice at every agency.

Personal Experience

Let me share a personal story.  A few months after I was promoted to captain, I encountered a problem with a white officer from another department.  I was driving to work one morning in my white unmarked car when this officer was doing speed step.  He pointed his radar gun in my direction, so I assumed I was caught in his radar.  Moments later he waved me over to the left side of the road.  At that time, traffic was steadily moving and I was in the far right lane. 

I guess I wasn’t moving fast enough because he became visibly angry, so before I could move to the left lane he ran to my car and began to yell and beating on the hood of my car.  I was a little disturbed, but I managed to make it to the designated area.  Before I could roll down my window he banged on it and asked why I didn’t stop.  I didn’t say a word.  I simply rolled down my window and smiled at the officer.  By then, he could clearly see that I was an officer because I had my badge around my neck, gun on my side, emergency lights on my car and a police radio blaring. 

He proceeded to ask me for my identification and I told him that I thought his behavior was very inappropriate, especially towards a fellow officer.  He responded, “You’re not my fellow officer.  You need to F@%# stop when I say stop you hear me?”  I starred at him for a moment, taking in all of his information and didn’t say a word.  I guess he got the message, because he finally told me to move on.  I did.  However, once I arrived at my department, which was less than a mile away.  I talked to my supervisors, did a report and contacted the officer’s department.  I received a call that afternoon and was told that an investigation would be necessary.  Long story short, the officer was disciplined but it was an experience that I’d never forget.  I didn’t have a problem receiving a ticket but he could have approached me in a pleasant manner.  Sadly, that wasn’t my only run in with an officer.

Conclusion

In spite of a few negative events, the police profession is honorable and gratifying if your heart is in it and you are willing to stand your ground.  Like any other job, there may be some hurdles to jump, but nothing too difficult for those who really desire to protect the public.  So for those who may be considering a career in law enforcement, do not allow cynicism or negative media coverage to prevent you from pursuing your goals.  Get licensed, do your research and get all of the training you can.  Trust me it will give you more bargaining power or at least increase your pay check.  Remember, if we are interested in making changes in our communities we can’t be afraid of the challenge.  We must strive to be the change that we wish to see in the world.  Today many agencies have improved and restructured their hiring process to encourage more and racial minorities to apply.  So go for it.

Interested in becoming a law enforcement officer?

Most major metropolitan cities have their own academies within their police and sheriff departments.  However, some universities and colleges offer law enforcement training too.  Candidates are required to complete a set amount of hours before sitting for their state exam. 

Understand that, completing a police academy and sitting for an exam doesn’t make a person a police officer.  An applicant is required to apply to an agency, go through a psychological assessment, physicals, background investigations and lots of paperwork.Some departments also require some college education and physical agility requirements.  Once a police department has completed an applicant’s required paper work and sent it in to the licensing agency they wait for an okay. 

Then if the state licenses the applicant he/she is cleared to be hired.  After the applicant is hired he/she takes an oath and is allowed to carry a badge and gun.  There are several areas to begin a law enforcement career.  For instance, most police departments have patrol, traffic, internal affairs, sexual assault and child abuse investigations, homicide, juvenile, gang task force, drug task force, forensics and many other interesting divisions.  For more information about becoming a police officer check with the police agencies in your area for more information. 

Arlether Wilson, Author of “Rewriting the Script”

arlether@rewritethescript.com

www.rewritethescript.com

After my book was released, people asked me the same question day after day….How Did You Rewrite the Script.  My first thought, would usually be read my book “Rewriting the Script.”  However, after answering that question so many times I realized that some people just want the short version….the quick fix.  That magical answer. 

Unfortunately, there are no magical answers.  Simply put….life is what you make it. 

I encounter people everyday that are desperate for someone to talk or relate to.  I deal with the battered, abused, abandoned, sick, confused and the homeless.  Many times, I feel honored to be that person….that person that they can turn to.  Honestly, I don’t always have all of the answers. 

I live everyday to help someone.  One thing I have realized during this journey called life is everyone has a purpose…a reason for being here.  Believe it or not, we do not merely exist for our own entertainment or selfish desires.  For those of us who have realized his/her purpose, it is our responsibility to help those who are still searching.  Sure, some of us have encountered horrific circumstances and situations….and by the grace of God we have prevailed.  Then there are some who have yet to grasp this concept…. but I am optimistic.

Truth be told, I have lived this life for many decades and I am still a work in progress.  But I am living.  I refuse to allow my past to dictate my future.  You don’t have to be tied down by the script that you are born into.  The best thing about being a child of God is having the freedom to change or improve your being. 

Just remember that no matter how rocky the road may become, you can get through it.  Even if you think about giving up…don’t.  I truly believe that enduring your struggles will only make you stronger.  More importantly, don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t achieve your goals or live your dream.  You can.  You deserve it.  You just have to believe it…..and in yourself.

Arlether Wilson Author of “Rewriting the Script”

www.rewritethescript.com

arlether@rewritethescript.com

Introduction 

Arlether Wilson is a Child Abuse Investigator and Victims Advocate, who has been providing support to hundreds of children in the Houston area for more than a decade. She is also a police officer whose educational and professional background includes experience in child abuse prevention, domestic violence, victim advocacy and special needs youth in the Texas Justice System. As a Victims Advocate, Arlether provides information to survivors and parents of children who have been sexually abused. Her primary goal is to aid them in better coping with their crisis. In addition, she has developed a website that includes a special section with valuable resources to assist those in need.  

 Section 25.02 of the Texas Penal Code states: An individual commits an offense if he engages in sexual intercourse or deviate sexual intercourse with a person he knows to be, without regard to legitimacy.

WHAT IS CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE? Sexual abuse has many possible definitions. However, in its more simplified state it is any involvement with a child in sexual acts. Sexual abuse is not limited to intercourse. It involves, but is not limited to fondling, exposing a child to pornographic material, forcing a child to touch genitalia, or even masturbating in the presence of a child. Regardless of how mature a child may appear children are too immature to comprehend or provide consent for sexual activities. Furthermore, the repercussions of such abuse can be devastating and may further interfere with a childs overall physical and emotional development. Some children become passive or withdrawn, while others may runaway or become suicidal, truant, or aggressive. These are the types of changes that parents usually identify very easily. Of course, most of the above factors occur at different stages in a childs development and are not limited to what has been previously written above. Please be mindful that a child who has been victimized by sexual abuse needs support and understanding to deal with their trauma. SO PLEASE BE PATIENT. 

 PERPETRATOR DYNAMICS Before we can stop this horrible crime we must change the way we perceive it. Child sexual abuse is preventable, but only if we protect our children. It is a subject that society prefers not to discuss, nonetheless little attention is devoted to this horrendous crime and more children are being victimized. Many times people view sexual predators as Creepy Old Men. Unfortunately, this is usually a misconception. Sexual predators come in many sizes, shapes, nationalities, and genders. The predator could be your next door neighbor, a relative, a best friend, a teacher, a minister or a number of other unsuspecting professionals. Statistics indicate that more than 30% of victims are sexually abused by a family member. Another 40% are sexually abused by a family friend or someone they know outside the home. In essence, this means only a small percentage of children are sexually abused by people with whom they are unfamiliar. My purpose is to broaden your perspective as it relates to identifying these types of criminals. Always remember that sexual predators carefully plan their actions prior to attacking their victim. And although the act of sexual abuse is not impulsive, it is the mindset in which the perpetrator works to achieve. We may not be able to prevent every incident, but we can do a better job of educating our communities. Parents talk to your children!

Many parents are afraid to discuss these issues with their children. But it is your responsibility to educate your children about such dangers. Teach your children how to detect inappropriate touching. You are not alone because there are several age appropriate programs available to assist you.

A very good starting point would be Darkness to Lights Seven Steps to Protecting Our Children at: http://www.darkness2light.org/7Steps/7steps.asp. 

Arlether WilsonAuthor of “Rewriting the Script”

www.rewritethescript.com

arlether@rewritethescript.com

As parents its easy to get caught up in our daily lives.  Sometimes our days are overwhelming especially when you coupled them with issues such as domestic violence and abuse.  Unfortunately, most of the services available on the internet focus on healing the parent or adult.  In the end, our children’s psychological and emotional needs are sometimes overlooked.  Therefore, I have decided to put together a list of resources to assist you in this area.  Remember these resources are not a substitute for physician or therapuetic services.  Please contact your doctor or therapist if further assistance is needed.  There are also many other resources available on the internet.

 Resources for Children with Special Needs

http://www.resourcesnyc.org/rcsn.htm

http://www.parent-wise.org/parent/qa/specialneeds.htm

http://www.shirleys-wellness-cafe.com/specialneedchildren.htm

 ADHD/Autism

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/

http://www.autism.org/

http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer

National Institute of Mental Health

Helping Children Deal with Tragedies

http://www.multcolib.org/kids/tragedy.html

http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/news.html

American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry

CyFernet

Helping Children Heal after Domestic Violence

http://www.fvlc.org/pdf_fvlc/English_ChildrenDV.pdf

Center for Children and Families in the Justice System

FamilyDoctor.org

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/default.aspx?page=0

http://www.nccev.org/

Helping Children Heal after Sexual Abuse

http://www.apa.org/releases/sexabuse/

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/childsexualabuse.html

http://www.stopitnow.com/

http://www.wcstx.com/childabu.htm

http://www.darkness2light.org/

http://www.nncc.org/Abuse/sex.abuse.html

Child Abuse and Prevention

http://www.childabuse.com/

http://child-abuse.com/

http://www.childhelp.org/

http://www.childwelfare.gov/

I have been a police officer for more than fifteen years.  Therefore, I have seen my fair share of the good and the bad.  Like any profession, there are some problems but I have had a fulfilling career.  Unfortunately, it has not been as easy for some of my female counterparts.   Consequently, as a mother, a women and mentor I believe it is imperative that I discuss the advances we have made in Law enforcement, as well as the disparities.

For the past four decades women have continued to make strides in law enforcement.   After much debate and legal mandates things have improved and more women have been hired.   In spite of this, women represent less than fourteen percent of police forces nationwide.   Furthermore, some agencies still utilize out dated and unfair hiring practices, which discourages more women from entering the profession. 

Police administrators and the media often brag about how much progress we have made since the Civil Rights Movement.  However, some women law enforcement officers are still subjected to gender discrimination, sexual harassment and sometimes peer intimidation.  Surprisingly, these are things that are rarely discussed in the media. It’s a known fact that women and men are different.  They have different physical structures and thought processes, yet it seems police administrators have yet to acknowledge those facts.  Like their male counterparts, women are expected to perform the same physical and intellectual tasks.   When women fail to meet the department’s standards, little is done to encourage or assist them in their endeavors.  As a result, some women give up and the recruitment remains low.

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard, “if a woman wants to do a man’s job she should be expected to perform the same task.”  Unfortunately, those same tasks don’t usually come with the same salary or career advancement.  Women’s Rights organizations have been fighting to change this thought process and we’ve made some progress.  However, we still have a ways to go.To end on a positive note, a career in law enforcement can be challenging but rewarding.   As we speak, legislation, policies and procedures are being revised to encourage more women to apply. 

In a practical world, none of these issues would exist, but they do.  Let’s be realistic, we live in a society that is constantly evolving.  Some changes may take longer but we must continue to fight for what is rightfully ours.  We have to fight for the implement of new legislation that will ensure some autonomy within the profession. 

 I will talk more about this later.  For information about becoming a police officer check with your local, state and federal police agencies.  Each branch and state usually has different requirements.  There are also opportunities to volunteer, so check it out. 

Arlether Wilson

September 20, 2007